Lary's Speakeasy

Person in doctor's exam room having anexiety

Anxiety

Recently, I had my yearly follow-up appointment with my ENT surgeon. Usually, it’s a simple visit, just saying hello, getting a scope, and going home.

Anxiety

But this time, something strange happened – I felt incredibly anxious for no apparent reason. It had been over two years since my surgery and radiation/chemo for cancer, and everything had been normal since then. The doctors had been monitoring a spot in my lung and my liver, but they turned out to be harmless. Still, anxiety hit me hard this time.

Waiting room
It’s really not a stressful place
My anxiety face
My anxiety face

I like I was close to a panic attack. My breathing was affected, I was no longer calm. My heart was racing. I felt it everywhere.

Maybe Shopping Will Help

I tried to ease my anxiety by going shopping before the appointment, but it didn’t last long. As soon as I got in my car anxiety hit me again.

Mushroom cups on a shelf
Shopping!
"I am so proud of you for making it this far and daring to continue, despite all you've gone through and all you're dealing with - we the urban

Then after I sat down at the clinic, I had a coughing fit, probably due to some allergies. People in the waiting area looked at me oddly, but I didn’t really care. The nurse took my blood pressure, and it was higher than usual, likely due to the stress of being in a cancer center.

California

Oh, and as I was checking in, the lady said “you’re from California?” I exclamed “Yes! How did you know?” She said recognized my Orange county area code. We bonded for a bit. And I realized how much I miss California.

California scenery
Where I used to live
California surf
The sound of the ocean is my zen…

Finally, The Doctor

Finally, the doctor arrived and greeted me with a warm hug. He was amazed at how well I was doing and that I hadn’t needed another esophageal dilation. Then came the dreaded nose endoscopy, a procedure where the ENT inserts a thin tube with a camera through your nose. It’s uncomfortable and burns a bit, and I felt tense throughout. But the good news was that after the test, the doctor said I didn’t need any more follow-up visits. The new protocol was to stop follow-ups after two years, and I could just call if any issues arose.

I was thrilled to hear this, considering my past struggles with stage 4 cancer and a tumor in my airway. The doctor called me his walking miracle. As I left the appointment, I couldn’t help but wonder why I got cancer in the first place. We both jokingly wondered if processed food could be the culprit. Nevertheless, my anxiety for this visit had been unnecessary.

Andrea relieved
I’m so relieved
A Berniedoodle
I’m sure she is too

Scanxiety

Now, I have another appointment for CT scans on Friday. The blood labs yesterday were a bit painful since I have small veins, but it’s manageable. I did have a small issue with one of the tests not being covered by insurance, but it turned out they did it anyway. Hopefully, I won’t have any scanxiety on Friday. Fingers crossed!

Andrea happy
Text message telling my family my results

Andrea is from Rancho Santa Margarita in southern California. She relocated to the Midwest in 2018. She has a daughter who is a doctor in Tucson and a son who is a photographer in Brooklyn. Andrea has been a lary since 2020 when she was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer. She started her blog, An Unwanted Journey during her treatment partly as a therapeutic tool but it quickly turned into a way to educate others on what larys actually go through.
Andrea likes to hike with her pup, play golf, do yoga and live her life!

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Elizabeth Procaccini
Elizabeth Procaccini
10 months ago

Thank you for posting this. I moved to California and lived there for 40 years. I also still have my same phone number. I miss it also. Moved back to Rhode Island about 10 years ago. I had my Laryngectomy 2 years ago and must say I was so very lucky with my team of doctors that have taken care of me. I take Lorazepam for anxiety and it is a miracle for me.
I had a small tumor and part of my right lung removed a year ago. So far so good.
I am cancer free as of my last scan 4 months ago.

Andrea No
Andrea No
10 months ago

Gotta love California! I had my laryngectomy in 2020 so we are close in the recovery process. I will keep my fingers crossed for you always.

Ronnie Miller
Ronnie Miller
7 months ago

I really have scan phobia. I had a cat scan and the results led to a PET scan. The pet scan led to a biopsy on my right collar bone which came back negative. A week later they decided I needed to do a ultrasound with possible biopsy on my left collar bone. Guess what, the ultra sound did indeed lead to another biopsy which came back negative thank god. I was terrified when the time came for my next cat scan but there were no changes to worry about.

Andrea No
Andrea No
7 months ago
Reply to  Ronnie Miller

I totally get what you are saying! Hopefully for both of us there will always be nothing to worry about.

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