Recently, I had my yearly follow-up appointment with my ENT surgeon. Usually, it’s a simple visit, just saying hello, getting a scope, and going home.
Anxiety
But this time, something strange happened – I felt incredibly anxious for no apparent reason. It had been over two years since my surgery and radiation/chemo for cancer, and everything had been normal since then. The doctors had been monitoring a spot in my lung and my liver, but they turned out to be harmless. Still, anxiety hit me hard this time.
![Waiting room](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Waiting-room.webp)
![My anxiety face](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Andrea-anxiety-face.webp)
I like I was close to a panic attack. My breathing was affected, I was no longer calm. My heart was racing. I felt it everywhere.
Maybe Shopping Will Help
I tried to ease my anxiety by going shopping before the appointment, but it didn’t last long. As soon as I got in my car anxiety hit me again.
![Mushroom cups on a shelf](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Shopping.webp)
!["I am so proud of you for making it this far and daring to continue, despite all you've gone through and all you're dealing with - we the urban](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/quote.webp)
Then after I sat down at the clinic, I had a coughing fit, probably due to some allergies. People in the waiting area looked at me oddly, but I didn’t really care. The nurse took my blood pressure, and it was higher than usual, likely due to the stress of being in a cancer center.
California
Oh, and as I was checking in, the lady said “you’re from California?” I exclamed “Yes! How did you know?” She said recognized my Orange county area code. We bonded for a bit. And I realized how much I miss California.
![California scenery](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/California.webp)
![California surf](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/surf.webp)
Finally, The Doctor
Finally, the doctor arrived and greeted me with a warm hug. He was amazed at how well I was doing and that I hadn’t needed another esophageal dilation. Then came the dreaded nose endoscopy, a procedure where the ENT inserts a thin tube with a camera through your nose. It’s uncomfortable and burns a bit, and I felt tense throughout. But the good news was that after the test, the doctor said I didn’t need any more follow-up visits. The new protocol was to stop follow-ups after two years, and I could just call if any issues arose.
I was thrilled to hear this, considering my past struggles with stage 4 cancer and a tumor in my airway. The doctor called me his walking miracle. As I left the appointment, I couldn’t help but wonder why I got cancer in the first place. We both jokingly wondered if processed food could be the culprit. Nevertheless, my anxiety for this visit had been unnecessary.
![Andrea relieved](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/Andrea-relieved-scaled.jpg)
![A Berniedoodle](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/dog.webp)
Scanxiety
Now, I have another appointment for CT scans on Friday. The blood labs yesterday were a bit painful since I have small veins, but it’s manageable. I did have a small issue with one of the tests not being covered by insurance, but it turned out they did it anyway. Hopefully, I won’t have any scanxiety on Friday. Fingers crossed!
![Andrea happy](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/andrea-happy.webp)
![Text message telling my family my results](https://larysspeakeasy.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/text-message.jpg)
Andrea is from Rancho Santa Margarita in southern California. She relocated to the Midwest in 2018. She has a daughter who is a doctor in Tucson and a son who is a photographer in Brooklyn. Andrea has been a lary since 2020 when she was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer. She started her blog, An Unwanted Journey during her treatment partly as a therapeutic tool but it quickly turned into a way to educate others on what larys actually go through.
Andrea likes to hike with her pup, play golf, do yoga and live her life!
Thank you for posting this. I moved to California and lived there for 40 years. I also still have my same phone number. I miss it also. Moved back to Rhode Island about 10 years ago. I had my Laryngectomy 2 years ago and must say I was so very lucky with my team of doctors that have taken care of me. I take Lorazepam for anxiety and it is a miracle for me.
I had a small tumor and part of my right lung removed a year ago. So far so good.
I am cancer free as of my last scan 4 months ago.
Gotta love California! I had my laryngectomy in 2020 so we are close in the recovery process. I will keep my fingers crossed for you always.
I really have scan phobia. I had a cat scan and the results led to a PET scan. The pet scan led to a biopsy on my right collar bone which came back negative. A week later they decided I needed to do a ultrasound with possible biopsy on my left collar bone. Guess what, the ultra sound did indeed lead to another biopsy which came back negative thank god. I was terrified when the time came for my next cat scan but there were no changes to worry about.
I totally get what you are saying! Hopefully for both of us there will always be nothing to worry about.